May 31

Well, my auntie will go back o their home, after settling the things, then my dear sister wants to go in our Province(Bulacan) for 1 week, but my father would not allow her if im not going to., but I dont want to go, so my dear sister is crying, then when we called again our father, he asked me to go with them for only 1 week, but I dont really want to go there, and also he asks me that if I go he will give me a bonus(damn! but I dont care about the bonus., I dont really care eventhough he will not give me a bonus) (because there is a reason but I dont want them to know it.) , and then later on my moher is talking to my father to let my dear sister go with them, and my father said, "It's up to you".,then they go.

and now, im scared, im really scared, im scared because, what if my father would get mad at me or will be sad, because of that,( should I tell why.,the reason that I dont want to go, but I dont want to., )and when im thinking of my father's sad face or mad face, (im crying) (here's my thought and the scene that I imagine)

Father: oh! why you're not with them?
Me: Im sorry, but I don't really really want to go.
Father: Im dissapointed, I only want you to be with her, because it will be also a good chance to her to recover., but now, *sighs*, I think I don't want to be with you, notice you, unless your sister comes.
Me: Okey :( , if that is your wish. :( )
*crying*

hmm .. I feel BAD !!!!!!! very very BAD !
and I feel lonely too, knowing that my father can do that to me.